It’s hard to let go. Even when what you’re holding onto is full of thorns, it’s hard to let go. Maybe especially then.
We attach and detach from things all the time; people, animals, objects. They come and go. Nothing lasts forever. That’s the way of life. Sometimes the connection is intentionally unlinked, other times it is forcefully pulled out of our lives. By death, loss or damage. Over time we acquire possessions and form relationships. We keep the things that we care about and which we are attached to. Sometimes those attachments are desired, but oftentimes they are not. Many of them are probably even draining our time, pulling our attention and sucking up our happiness without adding back any value.
Of course there is nothing wrong with attaching oneself to someone or something. We all do it, it’s part of life. But if the bond grows so strong that we cannot release it anymore, then it becomes a burden. Excessive attachment is a major reason for hoarding. Did you ever receive some old childhood memories from your parents, such as a photo album or even a strand of hair? This is clearly a desperate trial of detachment. By giving sentimental items into the hands of a trusted person, they are known to be well taken care of and the detachment is not irreversible. But to truly letting go means to detach completely, to accept, to surrender, to release that bond irreversibly and to disconnect that link irrevocably. Be it intentionally or unwillingly. Here’s a funny story of an incomplete detachment written by Dan Erickson.
Letting go is a painful act, but it mustn’t be that way.
When speaking in terms of minimalism, letting go of attachments is a major part of that life philosophy. The key is to be appropriately attached to the relatively few specific items or people or animals or whatever that actually add value to our lives. Attachments are to be carefully and intentionally selected and taken care of. Things or relationships that do not enhance our lives or even cause pain are to be removed. Finding that appropriate attachment is important to not get overly connected, otherwise we won’t be able to walk about any longer and that is where pain begins.
When we let go of things, we must fully accept the fact that this item is gone or does no longer serve us any value. By surrendering to that circumstance we automatically detach. This is the true art of letting go. Without this surrender comes pain. But we can still alleviate the process of intentional detachment even without surrender. By removing an item out of sight and out of mind we allow ourselves to take a break from it. Once forgotten it is much easier to let go. Letting go is a repetitive and continuous process, this allows for a lot of practice and so each time our ability to gets enhanced. However, the more we lot go of things, the more we are attached to the remaining ones and that’s why it is important to start simply and slowly.
Getting Started
Here are some quick tips on how to get started identifying and letting go of undesired attachments. They helped us, we hope they might do the same for you.
- Start to letting go of attachments slowly, one by one.
- Start with easy things to gain momentum and strengthen your ability to let go.
- Start to watch yourself, your actions, your habits, your relationships. Are they worth keeping?
- Focus on the present when identifing unneeded attachments (the 90/90 rule might help).
- Choose quality over quantity
- Avoid just in case items. Owning and taking care of lots of things for 1% of the time is not worthwhile. Those kind of items can always be borrowed if really necessary or worst cases purchased second hand and resold.
- Get rid of sentimental items. Don’t be that parent to pass on a strand of hair to the children. You can digitalize sentimental items if you still like to use them as a memory trigger.
Finally, there’s a great quote by an ancient Chinese philosopher, that I would like to share with you.
To hold, you must first open your hand. Let Go.
Further readings
- This beautiful piece of writing by The Minimalists focuses more on the why to let go aspect: The Minimalists—Learn To Let Go
- Here are some more quick tips on how to let go of possesions
- A very comprehesive guide to letting go can be found here: Tiny Buddha—Letting Go of Attachment: From A to Zen
- And here is even a free ebook entirely dedicated to the subject of letting go: Leo Babauta—The One Skill: How Mastering the Art of Letting Go Will Change Your Life
